Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
8:07 am
Sat February 15, 2014

Lightning Fill In The Blank

Originally published on Sun February 16, 2014 12:13 pm

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players now have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Carl, can you give us the scores?

CARL KASELL, ANNOUNCER: Kyrie O'Connor has the lead with four points. Brian Babylon and Maz Jobrani are tied for second, each has two.

SAGAL: OK. We have flipped a coin. Maz has elected to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. The House voted on Tuesday to approve a clean extension of the blank.

MAZ JOBRANI, COMEDIAN: Debt limit.

SAGAL: Right, debt ceiling.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, Attorney General Eric Holder called for a repeal of laws that prevent convicted felons from blanking.

JOBRANI: Voting?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Kentucky Senator Rand Paul filed a lawsuit Wednesday over the surveillance practices of the blank.

JOBRANI: Oh, NSA.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: For the first time since their split in 1949, this week the governments of Taiwan and blank held official talks.

JOBRANI: China.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: According to a recent discovery, raindrops aren't shaped like tears, they're shaped like blank.

JOBRANI: Dimes.

SAGAL: They're shaped like hamburger buns.

JOBRANI: Of course.

SAGAL: Although he announced this week that he'd been diagnosed with cancer, former news anchor blank says he's optimistic.

JOBRANI: Tom Brokaw.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Because of a software problem that could cause cars to suddenly shut down, blank is recalling 2.1 million vehicles worldwide.

JOBRANI: Toyota?

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A Delta flight to Salt Lake City last Friday...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...had to make an emergency landing in Minneapolis after a passenger on board would not stop blanking.

JOBRANI: Twerking.

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: She would not hitting on another passenger.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They say persistence is a virtue, but apparently not when it comes to propositioning the guy in 21B.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The woman's refusal to stop making advances got her kicked off the plane, but proved once and for all there is something worse than being seated next to that lady who really wants to tell you about her grandkids.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Maz do in our quiz?

KASELL: Maz had six correct answers for 12 more points. He now has 14 points and Maz has taken the lead.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. So this means Brian you're up next.

BRIAN BABYLON, COMEDIAN: Yup.

SAGAL: Fill in the blank. This week, Comcast proposed a $45.2 billion deal to take over rival cable company blank.

BABYLON: Time Warner.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Governor in Washington state said Tuesday that he's issuing a moratorium on the blank while he's in office.

BABYLON: The Wii?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No.

You would be in trouble, on the death penalty.

BABYLON: Yeah.

SAGAL: On Wednesday, a sinkhole opened up in Kentucky, swallowing eight cars in the National blank Museum.

BABYLON: Corvette.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: A man in Britain called local government officials to complain that he was being blanked.

BABYLON: Eaten?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Harassed by a frog. Best known for hosting "Your Show of Shows," comedian blank died this week at age 91.

BABYLON: Sid Caesar.

SAGAL: You bet.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Saying it was a security risk...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...officials at Heathrow confiscated a six-shooter from blank.

BABYLON: A sex-shooter?

SAGAL: A six-shooter, Brian.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Why not? Roy Rogers.

SAGAL: No, they confiscated the six-shooter from Woody from "Toy Story."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sure, he's only about eight inches tall and he's a doll, but that cowboy was carrying a gun. A tiny gun that was about an inch long, but still, a gun. If he'd managed to get that through security, there's no telling what kind of mild, practically unnoticeable damage he might have caused.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Brian do in our quiz?

KASELL: Brian had three correct answers for six more points. He now has eight points, but Maz still has the lead with 14.

SAGAL: So here's the math question.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How many then does Kyrie need to win?

KASELL: Five to tie and six to win outright.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go, Kyrie, this is for the game.

KYRIE O'CONNOR, WRITER: OK.

SAGAL: On Thursday, meteorologists estimated that almost 60 percent of the country was covered with blank.

O'CONNOR: Snow.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, former New Orleans mayor blank was found guilty on 20 counts of bribery and fraud.

O'CONNOR: Ray Nagin.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Although the U.S. warned that they were a security threat, Hamid Karzai released 65 Taliban detainees being held in blank.

O'CONNOR: Afghanistan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Yankees all-star shortstop blank announced that the 2014 season would be his last.

O'CONNOR: Derek Jeter.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The Newark Star-Ledger issued a correction that Chris Christie's spokesperson did not call the head of the Port Authority a, quote, "piece of crap," instead he called him a blank.

O'CONNOR: I don't know.

SAGAL: A piece of excrement.

O'CONNOR: Oh.

SAGAL: A wire-haired fox terrier named Sky won Best in Show Tuesday at this year's blank.

O'CONNOR: Westminster.

SAGAL: Kennel Club Dog Show, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Samuel L. Jackson lashed out at a reporter who blanked during a televised interview this week.

O'CONNOR: Thought he was Laurence Fishburne.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Madam Tussauds in New York had to remove their Justin Bieber...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...wax statue because of excessive blanking.

O'CONNOR: (Unintelligible)

SAGAL: Say again.

O'CONNOR: (Unintelligible)

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: They removed the Bieber statue because of excessive groping of the statue. The Bieber likeness, which is both anatomically correct and completely free of any genitalia has aged...

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...nearly as badly as Justin Bieber himself. Heat from teenagers copping a feel is causing Bieber's once lithe body to wrinkle and sag. Taking the teen star from Miley Cyrus straight to Cloris Leachman.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No one knows what happened to the wax figurine, but the gift shop is now mysteriously selling little candles with spiky hair.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, did Kyrie do well enough to win?

KASELL: She needed six to tie, she had seven correct answers.

SAGAL: Whoo.

(APPLAUSE)

KASELL: So with 14 points, make that 18 points, Kyrie O'Connor is this week's champion.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that Bob Costas has been laid low by pink eye, what take down Matt Lauer? But first... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.