The term narcissist has been bandied about of late. The media have used the label to describe Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. National Institutes of Health reports about 8% of men and 5% of women have the condition. KLCC’s Tiffany Eckert takes a look at Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the effects it can have on others.
In Greek mythology, Narcissis was cursed with self-obsession. He fell in love with his own reflection and it didn’t end well.
The modern day condition— Narcissistic Personality Disorder --is no myth. Grandiose narcissism can devastate—both the sufferer and those who love them.
Joan Crawford: “No wire hangers! What’s wire hangers doing hanging in this closet when I told you no wire hangers ever?”
Christina Crawford’s memoir, Mommy Dearest, depicts her movie star mother, Joan Crawford, as an abusive narcissist who only adopted her for the publicity she would receive.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is exhibited by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, the need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Clinicians find that a classic narcissist often seeks an occupation to fit their image. Think politics, performance, clergy.
A woman in Eugene named Peggy, (we’re not using her last name) believes she fell in love with a narcissist.
"A professor of a mysticism course I was taking. He had a lovely voice and he was very charming.”
Peggy says she dropped the class so they could start seeing each other. She recalls the courting period included lots of promises and braggadocio.
"On our first date, he sat down and told me, ‘I’m a pretty big man around town, lots of people know me. I’m friends with the mayor.”
All of us have the capacity to brag or become self-absorbed at times. Like when we’re trying to impress a date or get a big job promotion. So when is it a real problem?
University of Oregon alum Shirley McNeal has some ideas. She’s been a clinical psychologist for nearly 50 years.
"It only becomes pathological when it’s really in the extreme," says Dr, McNeal. "When it’s inflexible and maladaptive and there’s definite impairment in functioning.”
Dr. McNeal says lying or shading the truth can go hand in hand with a narcissist’s flare for exaggeration and delusions of grandeur.
After dating for a year, Peggy got pregnant and she and her former teacher moved in together.
"There were a lot of lies happening. Lies all the time. But as most woman believe: That baby will come and everything will be perfect…and it didn’t happen.”
Narcissists generally think the world revolves around them.
Dr. McNeal: “And then the need for admiration, the person needs a great deal of praise—and if that’s not forthcoming, can then become very critical, very cold, and aloof.”
Peggy: “He would get furious if anybody would come up to him and say his name. He wanted to be called professor first or his spiritual title.”
Narcissistic Personality Disorder doesn’t present until late adolescence or early adulthood. The cause is not precisely known but Dr. McNeal, like other therapists, believes it starts in childhood.
“Some very early experiences of abandonment. At different developmental stages it’s thought to be from being overly catered to, you know, overly protected.
Beneath the glitzy, sculpted exterior of a narcissist is often a vulnerable and depressed “real self.”
Peggy says occasionally, her partner’s “armor would crack.”
“There was depression. I don’t know how many times I heard, I’m going to kill myself.”
Reporter:“Did you ever go to therapy with him or encourage him to seek therapy?”
Peggy: “(sigh) He has had a number of therapists. I know he has been dismissed by two.”
It is difficult to treat narcissists because they don’t see themselves as having the problem. Dr. McNeal *has done it. One case required three years of intensive psychotherapy.
After 8 years, Peggy separated from her partner. She says having a child together made the split contentious.
Dr. McNeal wants to be very clear. She is not armchair diagnosing anybody in this story. That would be unethical. One of her jobs as a clinical therapist is to sit face to face with a person and help them rebuild their sense of self in a healthy way--even if they do hold onto a narcissistic trait or two.
“If a person is narcissistic to the degree that they can make a very positive impression on others," says McNeal, "then certainly it is useful.”
In a new book, Trump Revealed, Washington Post writers describe how the millionaire mogul sees his narcissism as a plus.
(Hear music fade up: “You’re so Vain”)
And singer Carley Simon may have had her heart broken in a narcissistic relationship. But she did get a hit song out of it.
(“You’re so vain. You probably think this song is about you…”)
For more information about clinical therapist Dr. Shirley McNeal:
http://www.drshirleymcneal.com/
To find a therapist in your region:
http://www.find-a-therapist.com/
Articles on narcissism
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/romance-redux/201309/can-narcissists-change
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2014/12/how-to-divorce-a-narcissist-dr-karyl-mcbride/
